"Lord, I am so full of doubt right now. I am so confused about Who You are, who I am, and how we relate to each other and the world. I know I am made to glorify You, and I know that I glorify You most when I enjoy You most. But what about when You don't seem to be very enjoyable? Like when You're silent, or when You allow horrible things to happen? What can I trust You for in life? Have You really promised to always provide for me and my family? If so, why are there families who watch their children die of hunger or who live on the streets? What if You decide that You would be most glorified by not providing for our needs? How would that increase my joy and your glory? I just don't understand. I am so full of doubt and questions. I am so scared of You because You allow horrible suffering in the lives of people who love You, follow You, and long to glorify You. In Truth, I know that I'm not big enough, nor do I need, to protect myself from Your divine will in my life--but that's what I want to do. I am so full of unbelief in Your goodness. Father, help my unbelief!"
The reason I share this is because maybe you've had these questions before, too? What is prompting these doubts is my fear and doubt that God will provide for us. We are going to have to do some repair work on our house that will require using savings. I seriously want to have a panic attack when I think about using our savings. I don't want to have to trust God to provide...I want the security of knowing we have a safety net "just in case." Anyway, this is leading me to ask questions like: "Does God really promise to provide?" and "Does God really promise to protect His people?" "Why do we pray for God's protection and provision, because he obviously allows believers to go without things they need and to come into harm?" "How does God's glory and His goodness toward us coexsist?" Feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments! I would love to know what you think.
3 comments:
Perfect love casts out fear...
My thoughts are these, since you asked: It is wonderful that we can take these questions before God, honestly seeking answers. And even better that He promises us that we will find Him when we seek Him with all our heart.
I don't know the answers to the bigger questions and fight to trust Him just like you do. But I am grateful for your tender heart that seeks the Only One who can answer them perfectly.
Will pray for provision about your repairs. Love to you.
Hey friend - you do raise a good question about praying for safety, provision, etc. I am no expert, but I think we do pray "give us this day our daily bread" only after we pray "hallowed be Thy name...Thy will be done" as Jesus taught us to pray. The struggles about what we "need" are indeed relative. Our good God Sovereignly ordains "peace & calamity" all while remaining good. Definitely complex stuff - your prayer is indeed mine, "help my unbelief." love you!
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