60 Day Challenge

Our church is doing something called the "60 Day Challenge" where those who are participating are challenged to, for 60 days, spend 15 minutes a day in God's Word and prayer.  Surprisingly enough, I'm participating!  It's funny to me, because when our pastor first started telling us about the upcoming challenge, he made an announcement in church that he had several commitments from men in the church to participate, but he was calling some of the ladies to join in as well.  He was, in good humor and fun, giving us women a hard time for not being as willing as the men to take him up on the challenge.  I remember looking at my good friend sitting next to me, after a long hard week with small children (one of whom still wasn't sleeping through the night) and saying, rather cynically, "He really doesn't want to know what I have to say about that!"  And honestly, I wouldn't have wanted anyone to see the ugliness of my heart at that moment.

For the longest time, I have just been in a hard place when it comes to spending structured time with the Lord.  For most of my life, a "quiet time" or "personal time of worship" has be presented to me in a very legalistic light....as something that I have to do to be a "good Christian."  I've been growing into more freedom from that way of thinking in the past 5 or so years, but that has involved a lot of dry spells spiritually.  I'm currently, thankfully, coming out of my most recent spiritual dry spell.  I hadn't really opened my Bible for the purpose of just reading it for the delight of it since before Annabelle was born....almost 7 months ago.  After a day of feeling like everyone needs a piece of me, and with a baby who fights sleep all day and all night, when I finally got a moment's peace, all I wanted to do was watch TV or sleep.  Reading the Bible just felt like something else somebody was requiring of me.  I'm so thankful that is not the case right now....and it's been God's gracious way of dealing with me that has helped me get to this point.

Even during my "dry spell," thankfully prayer didn't feel like a chore.  The everydayness of life, since having another baby, has really driven me to a new place of desperation where I have been relying on talking to Jesus more throughout the day.  But more recently, I have been finding refreshment and nourishment for my heart in God's Word.  It started with me just reading a daily prayer from Scotty Smith's book, Everyday Prayers, which was given to me by a dear friend.  I started reading the Scripture that went along with each prayer every day.  Then I started wanting to read a little more.  Then, it was like the Spirit said to me in church one day....right before the 60 day challenge was about to start up...."since you're already doing this, why don't you make it official and try to make it a habit?"  So, the cynical mommy is doing it!  I've been getting up at 5:30 (baby is finally sleeping longer stretches at night, so this is more possible) and even though I am SO TIRED, I just can't tell you how much I have been enjoying having 30 or 45 minutes to myself every morning, in the quiet of the house with a cup of coffee....no one demanding anything of me....me just getting some balm for my soul.  It just feels really necessary right now...and delightful.  I'm so thankful.  God did this for me.  If you could have seen my heart and how stubbornly resistant it has been for the longest time to any kind of structured "quiet time" (and I still hate giving this time any name), you would understand that it's not really something I just decided to do!

So, we'll see where this goes!  I know for certain I will have more dry spells.  And I don't even know if I'll make it 60 days.  But for now, I'm thankful that the Lord is graciously showing me how much I need Him and how little I have within myself...apart from Him...to live each day in a way that serves others and is reliant on Him.  I'm thankful He's refueling my tank daily with His Word and with a heart that longs to talk with Him throughout the day.  I'm thankful for all the hard circumstances of life right now that have truly pushed me to a place where I honestly can say, "Jesus, I have to put my trust in You. I can't do this."  And I'm thankful that I finally believe that He loved me just as much when I was cynical in church as He does now when I'm spending time in His Word.