"Give Them Grace"

I am super excited about my new book from the library!  I am reading "Give Them Grace" by Elyse Fitzpatrick and Jessica Thompson.  I have only read one chapter, but it is amazing how simply reading that one chapter and journaling through the questions at the end of it has really disrupted a lot within me not only as a mother, but mostly as a daughter of God.  I am realizing even more of what I have known about myself for several years now...I want so badly to make the law work.  I want to be able to follow God's law and please Him.  Not that desiring that is a bad thing, but the problem is it will never happen.  And it should never be my goal, because it sends me down the wrong path.  In my quest to follow the law and please God I head down the path of self-reliance, despair, anger, and distance from God.  It was so amazing to me to read about how my despair at my own inability to obey the law is purposefully put in my life to lead me to Christ!  I need the law.  I need to read it, learn it, meditate on it, and love it more.  But not so that I can become more faithful, or be a better wife, mother, friend, daughter, etc.  And not so that I can please God.  I need the law because the more I learn it, the more I am faced with my own inability to follow it...and therefore the more not reliant on myself I become.  The more I rely on Christ and what He has already done. 

And this is what my children need, too.  Man, this book is stirring up so much confusion within me, but I know that is a good thing.  I find myself, especially right now while John is 2 1/2, wanting so badly for him to just obey me!  Please, would you just do what I say!  And when he doesn't I am scrambling for a solution.  Maybe we should do this?  Maybe we should do that?  Maybe this discipline isn't working?  I need to ask so-and-so what THEY do in this situation....etc.  And I am realizing, my goal is in a short-term result.  A compliant child and a peaceful day.  I am not looking at the long-term, big picture.  My child is 2 1/2.  Yes, it is our job to teach him to obey.  Yes, he needs to learn what God and what we require of him.  But, he's still 2 1/2...so he's got a lot of time left (Lord-willing) to grow and learn.  Days with a 2 1/2 year old are going to be hard sometimes.  Learning obedience is going to be slow.  I want him to learn that He needs a Savior.  And I want him to learn that Jesus is a Savior who loves him unconditionally, whether he is compliant or not.  And I want him to learn that he is never going to be able to achieve perfect compliance...which is why he needs Jesus.  I know this is what my husband wants for our family, too.  It's what he reminds me of all the time when I am despairing about my own inabilities to "get it right."  He is such a great leader for me in understanding the heart of the Gospel story.

Something else I had started thinking about right before I started reading this book was how I sometimes parent in a way that isn't consistent with my goals, just because I get impatient with the lack of "progress" I see and I am fearful of the judgement of other parents.  Our goal for parenting our children is to teach them to rely not on themselves, but on someone bigger than them (us now, Jesus later).  If the goal is leading him away from self-reliance and toward reliance on someone bigger, then why train him to be an independent, compliant, good little 2 year old?  Well, that's an easy answer....it's more convenient for me, and other people will be amazed at my parenting skills when they see my child (note sarcasm).  If he doesn't need me as much, then I am more free to do what I want to do.  Sure, I want him to learn to function independently as an adult.  But the key word....adult.  We have a lot of time (again, Lord-willing) to get there!  I have to constantly remind myself of our goals.  Which again leads me back to my own repentance of my self-reliance and selfishness.  Ultimately, my hope is not in "getting it right" as a parent, either.  My hope is in Christ to save my child.  Daniel and I want to do the best we can, by God's grace, to create an atmosphere in our home that displays the complete Gospel story to our children.  And we want them to learn to rely on Christ and not on themselves.  But we cannot make that happen.  Only Christ can change their hearts.

So, I'm all disrupted over this one chapter, and I cannot wait to read more!  And the disruption is good.  I'm disrupted because I see the big picture of what we are going for in how to parent our children....but I have absolutely no idea how to get there.  Which leaves me at a place of dependence and reliance on God.  If you haven't heard of this book and want to hear more about it, here is a link to the forward in the book:

http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/tullian/2011/05/16/give-them-grace/